My found object is the word. This class has given me so many found objects I hardly know what to do with myself. If fact I don’t – I sit in silence and hoard. So incredibly greedy, it’s slightly embarrassing
I have a fascination with the written word.
Actually, screw the sugar-coating:
I have an obsession with the written word.
I have enjoyed this class, so much that I do not say anything and write everything. I have written every word that has been released into the air. I have captured the words and given them a new home – my notebook.
There is no “logic” or sense to their new home – instead there is an utterly delightful chaos. The words have arranged themselves based on our discussions – and the difference in the spoken word versus the written word not only intellectually puzzles me, yet also amuses me. This chaos and nonsensical word arrangement has allowed breath in my thoughts.
Bricolage – I ripped out every page of the notebook and taped them all together in one long strip. One side has the even pages and the other side as the odd pages.
56 pages.
I then decided to line the strip with a tape measure.
143 inches (11’-11”).
It is the idea of taking a physical measurement/means to indicate a non-physical thing. The connection between the words and numbers measures our class. As broad of a statement this is, the connections made between the words and numbers are to each their own.
It is the idea of redefining a measurement. In this concrete world of ours, one inch equals one inch – universally accepted statement. However, what if one inch wasn’t always one inch? What if one inch – based on this tape measure – was a moment of monumental epiphany traps? For then one inch would feel like one hundred miles! What if measurement was defined by time? By memory? By what the word at that measurement means to you?
It is the idea of bricolaging the abstract to concrete. Or the concrete to abstract. The idea of allowing a bricolage to blur that distinction – and fully allowing one’s self to define the meaning of the measurement through the word(s).
I feel as if I’ve grown up in a place where I know what words mean and what numbers mean. I know how to count. I know my ABC’s. However, the thought of taking such “known” substances as the object of my bricolage – almost seems like I am staging some sort of revolution in my mind.
Friday, November 6, 2009
ohhhh what a week
I love your posts Sabrina! They brighten my day! Alana -I still can't hear your voice, however I can feel your eyes on our words - I love that as well. Also, my dearest Alana - I do promise you, that your writing skills or how well you may think you write means absolutely nothing to Sabrina and I - we just like hearing you.
Shits, Shela, Ritz, Philbert, and gardening - wonderful! Hope you have a good day today and don't strangle anyone!
I have my mid-review in twenty nine minutes and I am in Seneca in my fluffy little bed writing to Sex, Cheese, Wine, Reading in the City. I kind of can't wait for it to be over - we have beautiful drawings and models - I just don't enjoy the "review" process. I want it to be over and Happy Hour. Or there is a yoga class tonight - the one from 8:30 - 10:30 and the teacher that I like the most is teaching it. He taught the class this morning and said that he is going to be teaching tonight as well and then as I was leaving he asked if I want a schedule - highlighted with all the classes that he teaches. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Boys, Boys, Boys - omg Sabrina. I have so many tiny little moments to tell you about! Alana heard about them last night! I will explain them all later - I can't wait to write about them. They were so tiny and you could say insignificant, yet so powerful.
love love you.
Shits, Shela, Ritz, Philbert, and gardening - wonderful! Hope you have a good day today and don't strangle anyone!
I have my mid-review in twenty nine minutes and I am in Seneca in my fluffy little bed writing to Sex, Cheese, Wine, Reading in the City. I kind of can't wait for it to be over - we have beautiful drawings and models - I just don't enjoy the "review" process. I want it to be over and Happy Hour. Or there is a yoga class tonight - the one from 8:30 - 10:30 and the teacher that I like the most is teaching it. He taught the class this morning and said that he is going to be teaching tonight as well and then as I was leaving he asked if I want a schedule - highlighted with all the classes that he teaches. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Boys, Boys, Boys - omg Sabrina. I have so many tiny little moments to tell you about! Alana heard about them last night! I will explain them all later - I can't wait to write about them. They were so tiny and you could say insignificant, yet so powerful.
love love you.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
b&n
My day continued wondrously. I packed a quick yogurt with granola, dark chocolate, and fruit--a selection of apple, pear, yellow raspberry, blackberry, and banana--all cut up into baby-food sized chunks serving 2 purposes. 1. It forces me to take small little bites and the whole ensemble lasts longer 2. I get a lil'bit o' everything in every bite. Anyway, I took this little meal over to B&N where I met my mom on her lunch break. I didn't know she had a 2 hours lunch day today, but she did. So that was great and we were figuring out my plan for tackling New York and Miami.
Then, as if everything in this day wasn't already making me feel swell, she spots Shela walking by! So Shela is in Naples for only 3 days before she goes back up to Tampa and starts her next semester in MedSchool. So the three of us talked for a while and then my mom went back to work and Shela and I continued talking, walked over to Brio where I got the $2.95 bar menu special and then she dropped me off back home before work.
Work was nothing special. Philbert (black, gay, wears mascara, wants to be a manager and claims to be the head of the hosts, dating hotter/confused/bisexual waiter/busser Chad) is working with me. He wants to indulge about his life and relationship. I let him, even egg him on since it includes someone I know. I had told him a couple days ago too that since his birthday was coming up, I'd bake him something. He wants a red-velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. He told his mom, sister, and other people that I was making him a cake. He gushed about me making this cake and cut sweets out of his diet so he can indulge on Sunday. He insisted that I stay away from anything organic or healthy because it was his moment to be a fat kid. Ah, Philbert. He also told me I'm good at this stuff. That he's going to promote me. That I should really work at the Ritz Carlton sometime (like he did) because I'd be so good at it. I'm so good. So good at handling the floor.
Thank you Philbert. (Thank you Chad that Phil was in a good mood today because if he wouldn't have been, I would probably have strangled you.)
Tomorrow I'm gardening. Shela and Devin are crashing the garden lesson too. I can't wait. Then after that I need to photoshop and get MM space updated so I can forward the link to the IMG man in NY. My photoshopping will probably be less extensive though because Shela is here and I'd rather hang out with her than fix my virtual zits. And I get dosa tomorrow. DOSA!
life is good.
Then, as if everything in this day wasn't already making me feel swell, she spots Shela walking by! So Shela is in Naples for only 3 days before she goes back up to Tampa and starts her next semester in MedSchool. So the three of us talked for a while and then my mom went back to work and Shela and I continued talking, walked over to Brio where I got the $2.95 bar menu special and then she dropped me off back home before work.
Work was nothing special. Philbert (black, gay, wears mascara, wants to be a manager and claims to be the head of the hosts, dating hotter/confused/bisexual waiter/busser Chad) is working with me. He wants to indulge about his life and relationship. I let him, even egg him on since it includes someone I know. I had told him a couple days ago too that since his birthday was coming up, I'd bake him something. He wants a red-velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. He told his mom, sister, and other people that I was making him a cake. He gushed about me making this cake and cut sweets out of his diet so he can indulge on Sunday. He insisted that I stay away from anything organic or healthy because it was his moment to be a fat kid. Ah, Philbert. He also told me I'm good at this stuff. That he's going to promote me. That I should really work at the Ritz Carlton sometime (like he did) because I'd be so good at it. I'm so good. So good at handling the floor.
Thank you Philbert. (Thank you Chad that Phil was in a good mood today because if he wouldn't have been, I would probably have strangled you.)
Tomorrow I'm gardening. Shela and Devin are crashing the garden lesson too. I can't wait. Then after that I need to photoshop and get MM space updated so I can forward the link to the IMG man in NY. My photoshopping will probably be less extensive though because Shela is here and I'd rather hang out with her than fix my virtual zits. And I get dosa tomorrow. DOSA!
life is good.
3 shit mornings
In my mind I have so much to spill but I think a good amount of it spilled over the phone yesterday. I'm super excited to garden tomorrow morning in the organic garden at my sister's house. Once they teach me, I can return anytime I want...and on days like today, I'd spend the whole day there I think. It is absolutely gorgeous today.
I usually hate walking Sally and I keep the walk as luxurious but quick as possible. It ends up being usually around 15 minutes because she takes 2 to 3 shits every morning. One right outside our house...she can't wait. Then as we walk along, usually once more casually in this leafy ditch. Then, depending, again casually, or often after I start hurrying her ass home she pulls off to the side to let the third one rip. I don't know how she does it, because she shits at night too, but she does. I guess it's like a dog version of me in a way...but she shits more and is half my size. Hm. Anyway, today, I prepped myself for a longer stroll since it is so gorgeous. I got my headphones (listen to Dishwasher by Fugi..something & Mi..something. i love that song!) and brought along Omnivore's Dilemma as well. I relish every word in that book. It makes me want to fuck the world, go find some little farm (not in the USA)...maybe somewhere in South America...and live there self-sustained. And raise any future children I may have on a farm. There is something so pure about the idea, and the weather, that has glazed over my world right now. And Nora Jones is playing. Ah. She's apart of my morning routine of reading and eating that inescapably will distinguish this time in my life I think. Her music will trigger me to reminisce. I have 5 minutes to change and get my butt over to my beloved pilates class which I haven't been to in over a week. CAN'T WAIT!
I usually hate walking Sally and I keep the walk as luxurious but quick as possible. It ends up being usually around 15 minutes because she takes 2 to 3 shits every morning. One right outside our house...she can't wait. Then as we walk along, usually once more casually in this leafy ditch. Then, depending, again casually, or often after I start hurrying her ass home she pulls off to the side to let the third one rip. I don't know how she does it, because she shits at night too, but she does. I guess it's like a dog version of me in a way...but she shits more and is half my size. Hm. Anyway, today, I prepped myself for a longer stroll since it is so gorgeous. I got my headphones (listen to Dishwasher by Fugi..something & Mi..something. i love that song!) and brought along Omnivore's Dilemma as well. I relish every word in that book. It makes me want to fuck the world, go find some little farm (not in the USA)...maybe somewhere in South America...and live there self-sustained. And raise any future children I may have on a farm. There is something so pure about the idea, and the weather, that has glazed over my world right now. And Nora Jones is playing. Ah. She's apart of my morning routine of reading and eating that inescapably will distinguish this time in my life I think. Her music will trigger me to reminisce. I have 5 minutes to change and get my butt over to my beloved pilates class which I haven't been to in over a week. CAN'T WAIT!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
step one: modeling
i've felt kind of lost, scared, and helpless the last few days. There have been so many things on my mind that even the white space to fill on this post is intimidating and overwhelming. i don't know where to begin or go.
i think the easiest way is to just break down areas of my life into cute litte categories so i can get a handle on them (or you can).
modeling: i'm scared shitless to move forward but and am pretending that time isn't passing. it's like i've already got it in my head that i've missed this season or maybe if i keep procrastinating i will miss it...which will be easier to face than failing. blaming it on waiting for america's next top model is easier than grappling with the rejection or picking up the pieces of where i left off at front and next. i'm just scared to even go back to them as if they will blame me or not want me because i've been taking my time--which i just keep taking more and more. i finally faced a demon when i looked up new york agencies and found out open call times. most of them don't have them, so it seems illogical to fly up there, but i don't think sending pictures online is going to get me there either.
i have this tendency to keep using my pictures as some sort of excuse for not moving forward. i can't go to the agency until i have a book. i can't have a book until i have all the pictures. i can't print the pictures until they are beautifully photoshopped. i'm learning just how long it takes to photoshop them.
but the fact is, i need to get over all of this because the shoots from austin aren't make or break. and i need to just get my balance of investing enough into this to be serious and be taken seriously, but not go overboard and leave myself drowning. so i've been working over how to do this and i think i'm finally getting there in a way. i have a poa, so to say. i actually took a break in writing this paragraph to talk to my mom and figure it out.
also, i still haven't talked to jeanne, which is getting to me because it's kind of a big deal, knowing what i have to do in order to graduate. and that is looming over me too as i'm trying to work all this shit out. so here is the plan:
go to miami next week and meet with front and next with whatever i have by then. hopefully i'll have more photos from austin that i can take. and as for the photos, i'm going to make a mini 'book' that is nice, a good presentation, but won't go overboard in terms of cost since i think that if they take me they will tear everything out and basically mold me and market me the way they want to. and i have to get over my honest self and just lie about my age because i think a lot more doors are open if i say i'm 18 instead of 21. same with my measurements, i need to just put 35 or 34 instead of 36 down to get my foot in the door because i look slender and can fit in most of the clothes. looks are what matter and i look right. but the fucking numbers i right down make people look at me differently. also next week i will email or get all the photos ready for the new york agent at img to check out. hopefully by then i also will have gotten a hold of jeanne and figured out where i'm headed...because if i have to start in a 'smaller' market before i can get into a big one, then i may as well do that while finishing up school. so basically my goal is NEXT WEEK. to make my next move in this part of my life. because i'm here in naples and it is comfortable to get into this small little world and easy little pattern...and i don't want to be one of them! that girl that was going places but never went anywhere.
unsuprisingly, i don't have time to write about everything i want to. i have to be at work in 40 minutes and have to eat and get gas before that so i can't write any more. but i want to post on the book, food, music, boys, values, ahhhhhhhhhhhh.........so much! love you.
bri
i think the easiest way is to just break down areas of my life into cute litte categories so i can get a handle on them (or you can).
modeling: i'm scared shitless to move forward but and am pretending that time isn't passing. it's like i've already got it in my head that i've missed this season or maybe if i keep procrastinating i will miss it...which will be easier to face than failing. blaming it on waiting for america's next top model is easier than grappling with the rejection or picking up the pieces of where i left off at front and next. i'm just scared to even go back to them as if they will blame me or not want me because i've been taking my time--which i just keep taking more and more. i finally faced a demon when i looked up new york agencies and found out open call times. most of them don't have them, so it seems illogical to fly up there, but i don't think sending pictures online is going to get me there either.
i have this tendency to keep using my pictures as some sort of excuse for not moving forward. i can't go to the agency until i have a book. i can't have a book until i have all the pictures. i can't print the pictures until they are beautifully photoshopped. i'm learning just how long it takes to photoshop them.
but the fact is, i need to get over all of this because the shoots from austin aren't make or break. and i need to just get my balance of investing enough into this to be serious and be taken seriously, but not go overboard and leave myself drowning. so i've been working over how to do this and i think i'm finally getting there in a way. i have a poa, so to say. i actually took a break in writing this paragraph to talk to my mom and figure it out.
also, i still haven't talked to jeanne, which is getting to me because it's kind of a big deal, knowing what i have to do in order to graduate. and that is looming over me too as i'm trying to work all this shit out. so here is the plan:
go to miami next week and meet with front and next with whatever i have by then. hopefully i'll have more photos from austin that i can take. and as for the photos, i'm going to make a mini 'book' that is nice, a good presentation, but won't go overboard in terms of cost since i think that if they take me they will tear everything out and basically mold me and market me the way they want to. and i have to get over my honest self and just lie about my age because i think a lot more doors are open if i say i'm 18 instead of 21. same with my measurements, i need to just put 35 or 34 instead of 36 down to get my foot in the door because i look slender and can fit in most of the clothes. looks are what matter and i look right. but the fucking numbers i right down make people look at me differently. also next week i will email or get all the photos ready for the new york agent at img to check out. hopefully by then i also will have gotten a hold of jeanne and figured out where i'm headed...because if i have to start in a 'smaller' market before i can get into a big one, then i may as well do that while finishing up school. so basically my goal is NEXT WEEK. to make my next move in this part of my life. because i'm here in naples and it is comfortable to get into this small little world and easy little pattern...and i don't want to be one of them! that girl that was going places but never went anywhere.
unsuprisingly, i don't have time to write about everything i want to. i have to be at work in 40 minutes and have to eat and get gas before that so i can't write any more. but i want to post on the book, food, music, boys, values, ahhhhhhhhhhhh.........so much! love you.
bri
Practice Theory: Intuition - Logic - Me.
I can’t wait for the day where intuition and logic hold hands.
Or let’s say, I can’t wait for the day where intuition is valued as much as logic or even more.
Despite our technological world with ticking clocks – I do hope I allow my intuition to guide me. I can’t possibly logically define myself or my day or who I am – I see no point in living if there were logical reasons for my existence.
L’aura – I really enjoyed your post. There are times in studio where I do not know why I did what I did. Why is this room suddenly so much larger than the adjacent. Or why did I choose to make this hallway much smaller than most hallways. Or why did I chose to orient my design “awkwardly”? Sometimes, when I design and write I become the person walking through my space and I become the words on the page. I have no reason for my decisions except for that is what my mind is seeing. I have no logic to my mind moving through my design in my imagination – all I have is what my mind tells my hand to draw.
Insecurity is not friendly – it creeps into my designs all the time. Sometimes, I’ve drawn such beautiful drawings and have no idea what it “means” and push it aside in fear of being too abstract when concrete needs to be poured. However, that has been my struggle in architecture – learning to trust my intuition.
Anything that is truly truly powerful in this world is invisible. Logic and reason are visible, that is why we are more comfortable with them – because we can see them. However, if our roles as architects is to take what is invisible to others – such as what our mind can conceive of – and make it visible – then mustn’t intuition be our first language?
Or let’s say, I can’t wait for the day where intuition is valued as much as logic or even more.
Despite our technological world with ticking clocks – I do hope I allow my intuition to guide me. I can’t possibly logically define myself or my day or who I am – I see no point in living if there were logical reasons for my existence.
L’aura – I really enjoyed your post. There are times in studio where I do not know why I did what I did. Why is this room suddenly so much larger than the adjacent. Or why did I choose to make this hallway much smaller than most hallways. Or why did I chose to orient my design “awkwardly”? Sometimes, when I design and write I become the person walking through my space and I become the words on the page. I have no reason for my decisions except for that is what my mind is seeing. I have no logic to my mind moving through my design in my imagination – all I have is what my mind tells my hand to draw.
Insecurity is not friendly – it creeps into my designs all the time. Sometimes, I’ve drawn such beautiful drawings and have no idea what it “means” and push it aside in fear of being too abstract when concrete needs to be poured. However, that has been my struggle in architecture – learning to trust my intuition.
Anything that is truly truly powerful in this world is invisible. Logic and reason are visible, that is why we are more comfortable with them – because we can see them. However, if our roles as architects is to take what is invisible to others – such as what our mind can conceive of – and make it visible – then mustn’t intuition be our first language?
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Pluck, Scoop, and Eat
If someone asked me my favorite past time, I would say picking at my legs.
Hopefully, they wouldn’t not be incredibly disgusted by my answer, but would ask why – so I’d have the luxury of explaining why this is indeed my favorite past time:
There is a satisfaction in plucking hair/ingrown hair that is beyond me. Sometimes I find my self picking and plucking for an hour – seriously Ajna? Every time I pick a hair it is like taking the first scoop of a freshly opened jar of peanut butter. What is it about that first scoop? It feels amazing – the spoon gently pierces the soft flesh of the peanut butter elegantly marking its territory. From then on no other scoop every feels or looks the same. It is all about the virgin scoop.
So, I have an alternative – picking at your legs! Every hair is a virgin! Some are more timid than others (legs crossed, granny panties), some are all talk and no action (prudes in disguise), some are waiting for marriage (that sucks), some love spreading their legs (sluts), some are on the pill (If I were you, I’d leave these ones alone, a little on the emotional side), and some just want to have fun (me!). Regardless of their virgin status, I go for them all – yea, I’m desperate.
I just can’t resist. Once I’ve gotten one and I’m pulling them out and seeing their roots and how deep within my leg they have been hiding – I’m instantaneously satisfied. It’s a plucking hair orgasm.
Someone once told my mom that her food gave them an orgasm in their mouth – I can totally relate. So, I have some unsolicited advice to those orgasm-less people – scoop peanut putter, pluck hair, and go to Indika!
Hopefully, they wouldn’t not be incredibly disgusted by my answer, but would ask why – so I’d have the luxury of explaining why this is indeed my favorite past time:
There is a satisfaction in plucking hair/ingrown hair that is beyond me. Sometimes I find my self picking and plucking for an hour – seriously Ajna? Every time I pick a hair it is like taking the first scoop of a freshly opened jar of peanut butter. What is it about that first scoop? It feels amazing – the spoon gently pierces the soft flesh of the peanut butter elegantly marking its territory. From then on no other scoop every feels or looks the same. It is all about the virgin scoop.
So, I have an alternative – picking at your legs! Every hair is a virgin! Some are more timid than others (legs crossed, granny panties), some are all talk and no action (prudes in disguise), some are waiting for marriage (that sucks), some love spreading their legs (sluts), some are on the pill (If I were you, I’d leave these ones alone, a little on the emotional side), and some just want to have fun (me!). Regardless of their virgin status, I go for them all – yea, I’m desperate.
I just can’t resist. Once I’ve gotten one and I’m pulling them out and seeing their roots and how deep within my leg they have been hiding – I’m instantaneously satisfied. It’s a plucking hair orgasm.
Someone once told my mom that her food gave them an orgasm in their mouth – I can totally relate. So, I have some unsolicited advice to those orgasm-less people – scoop peanut putter, pluck hair, and go to Indika!
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