yes, yes, finally

I finally got home!!

It was carnival week here, our Brazil’s special holiday, so we usually have a week off school or work.

Last week I saw the most beautiful waterfall ive ever seen. It made me feel really peaceful. I think I missed the simplicity here. I don’t go partying like most Brazilians do. I just enjoyed my time with dad and finish A Child of Eternity…. What an amazing book… it clicket, It clicket..!!! J I wish I had read It before… when I was there! I guess it wasn’t the right time. PLEASE send me your moms email.

Last night was the first day of school, back to the fucking routine…. I was in love with my summer vacation!!!! 2 months away! And I got to see Sabrina after 2 years! What else could I ask for!?! I loved it! I honestly didn’t miss ANYTHING about business school, I don’t like accounting or market I just don’t belong to the little business bubble. I don’t want to be like a machine as my lovely charles chaplin points out in modern times. I will probably be looking into something very different than my major as soon as im done… like most of us! I completely agree that “There is something so magical in that. And also so incredibly painful.” Ajna.

drama

No drama schools accepted me. Yes those words speak the truth.
It is amazing how much more I have to learn and feel.
What was I expecting? To study architecture for 4 years and get into drama school?
That is funny Ajna!

I would be lieing if I said the rejection did not hurt me.
I would be doing a disservice to myself in claiming I am ready for drama school.
Changing majors. There is something so magical in that
And also so incredibly painful.
I am in love with drama, but it won't let me make love to it just yet.

So I shall spend this year studying, practicing, and being.
It is hard knowing that the schools do not want you,
Yet you plan on facing them the next year.
I have to create some sort of curriculum for myself.

A movie journal? Yes. Done.
A drama coach? Yes. Done.
An acting class? Yes. Still looking.

I do not have the so called advantage of being groomed for drama school,
Yet I do not have the disadvantage for being groomed for drama school.
ohhhhh my.

Whawhawhat Time is It?

I've been writing my theory course all morning and looked at the clock and decided I could make the pilates class I love (10:30-11:30) and still finish the proposal by 12. Got to the gym and wondered why no one was there at 10:31. Looked at the clock. It said 9:31. Its not that I thought it was off by an hour, I just still thought it was telling me 10:31. I asked the people there if we were still having class and they said yes, the class would be at 10:30. ...but isn't it 10:31 now???

...no you fucking idiot, it's 9:31.

Brandon's computer must be off by an hour and that's the only thing I've been doing all morning.

I got home. Nope, his computer now says 9:43. My gophone that I checked before I left also was right. Ninesomething.

Where am I? So far in my own fucking mind that nines are tens and I'm thankful that God blessed me with an extra hour.

Where I am at this moment in time.

I am too alone in the world, and not alone enough
to make every minute holy.
I am too tiny in this world, and not tiny enough
just to lie before you like a thing,
shrewd and secretive.
I want my own will,
and I want simply to be with my will,
as it goes toward action,
and in the silent, sometimes hardly moving times
when something is coming near,
I want to be with those who know secret things
or else alone.
I want to be a mirror for your whole body,
and I never want to be blind, or to be too old
to hold up your heavy and swaying picture.
I want to unfold.
I don't want to stay folded anywhere,
because where I am folded, there I am a lie.
And I want my grasp of things
true before you. I want to describe myself
like a painting that I looked at
closely for a long time,
like a saying that I finally understood,
like the pitcher I use every day,
like the face of my mother,
like a ship
that took me safely
through the wildest storm of all.

--Rainer Maria Rilke, as translated by Robert Bly

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For my French film class on Thursday, we had to watch Pépé le Moko, a 1937 early French film noir and one of my personal favorites. Elizabeth, one of the radio/television/film majors in the class, said that one of the themes she picked up on was, "Always beat women."

My contribution? "Women will ultimately cause the demise of all men."

If you haven't seen it, you ought to-- it's tremendously good.

-----------------------------------

A quote from Wednesday's edition of The Daily Texan:
"I had a potential ticking time bomb of a health hazard down there."

We really need to find more articulate sources.

so much to say

So much to tell.

Sabrina that is hilarious - your last post.
My mom's computer is not working so she is using mine. She has a business to run therefore I should be kind and unselfish and let her use my computer when really that's alot harder to do than I thought.
I will write more about NY and Chicago later.
I have to go to government class today. SUCKS.

p.s Vicky and Rachel - join the blog!

Hi Neighbors!

I was at the wine bar and met a couple. I learned that they live on the same street as me.

Husband: You guys didn't get a golf ball through your window about a year ago, did you?

Me: Why yes, yes we did! In fact, the window is still broken. My mom put duct tape across the window and it's still there. (Soft chuckle, head nod, smile) Yep, we sure did a golf ball through the glass and the window is still broken.

Stan: OOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhh! SSSShhhhiiittt!!!!! (hysterically laughing, falling off stool.)

Husband: Really? You're joking. Really? (astonished face) You have to be kidding...

Me: Nope. Still broken. My mom thought it was because someone hated the dog barking.

Wife: Oh, are you the ones with that cute dog that is always barking? She is really cute, what is she, a beagle?

Me: That's her. That's my dog. She's a basset hound.

Wife: And someone at your house was really into Nora Jones for a while. They put it on every morning and we'd here it while we listened to the news.

Me: Oh, yep. That was me. I'm the one who plays Nora all the time. It's the only CD that doesn't skip, and I got myself into a little routine in the mornings. I love Nora.

Wife: Hm.

Husband: I know who chipped that golf ball through your window. I can't believe it actually went through your window! I'll have to tell him.

Me: Yeah, let him know the window is still broken if he cares to replace it.

Fuck man. Fuck. I'm getting to know this whole fucking town and need to get out! Not that they weren't nice, but really? I need to leave asap.

Beautiful Soul

I woke up in the middle of the night from a Dream.
Alana texted me, I still have butterflies.
Ahhh...it is good to hear from you. So so so good.