today isn't my day.

all these little things keep going wrong and i'm past the annoyed part and angry part and on to the self-pity, 'i give up!' stage. my arms are too tired to throw them up in the air with the exclamation. it's nothing really big, well something huge looming in the background, but that's not the foreground. the foreground is what is making me just want to curl up and be hugged by anyone or anything.

I drove to the library to rent a movie they didn't have, and since I got there 5 minutes before they closed, I didn't have time to peruse for a new selection. Then I decided I'd knock my english out today at Barnes and Noble, so I'd stop by home and snag my computer. On my way out, I was reading a text, walking down the stairs and boom! I slipped and fell--hard--on our wood floor. Salad had peed (within the past 10 minutes of the crash) a fucking giant lake, so I, like a cartoon or one of those tv moments, totally slipped and fell. Except it wasn't one those moments. I laid there on the floor in shock and aching, cursing. Luckily I have a good case for my netbook, since that was in my paws when I fell too. The floor was full of Salad hair. I'm wearing black. I therefore managed a whole new fur coat over my pants and sweater and computer case, in addition to pee all over my feet and ankles (I fell forward, not totally in the piss). I don't get why she pees in the house, we take her out more than ever and it's like she's getting untrained. Diego had walked her less than an hour earlier.

When I was informally modeling earlier, I had two little bruises on my leg and looked at them wondering how I managed to do that and hoped that I wouldn't get anymore while they went away, so my legs would look good for modeling. Not the case, it's 45 minutes later and my knee still aches. I don't think I'll escape the evidence of my fall. Sorry legs, sorry modeling....you are beaten.

The background today is that today is the day, four years ago, my dad had a heart attack.

I'm at B&N, starting to tear up now that I let those words and thought out of me. It's like it didn't hit me til I keep reading them an staring at 'heart attack' on the page. I forgot my English book. In the flurry of the fall, I forgot what I was on my way to do. And I forgot my mouse, an essential comfort whenever I'm on my computer.

I just....
i don't know. need to breath, go home and hug my mom. and do some english. and architectural theory too.