Takeout Menu

this is a blog post I wrote a while ago, and never finished. But upon rereading it, I don't think it needs to be more. It captures something comical and desperate about my life :)
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I've been thinking about life a lot lately. That sound's kind of lame, but I don't have another way to put it. It is kind of lame, actually. But when you have free time, you have free time to contemplate.

It's the same for me. I think about food all the time. I go to bed reading takeout menus and anticipate my next meal. For example, on the train ride home tonight, I couldn't decide whether I wanted a cookie or taco truck. I kept going back and forth in my head, trying to remember where I could possibly get a good cookie at 11pm in the four blocks between the subway stop and my house. Or did I want a tamale? What was I craving, savory or sweet? 

I ended up browsing cookies, sampling cookie frozen yogurt, and settling on a sweet tamale in those four blocks. I forgot about the gourmet 24 hour super market across the street from me. They probably would have had my cookie. 

What even is a sweet tamale? I wasn't sure, but anything with the word tamale I automatically love. This one had sugar mixed into the masa along with the occasional raisin, and bright pink/red food coloring along the side. 

Next, I spent my shower thinking about what I could have for breakfast and then even for lunch. My train of thought arose out of knowing where my casting would be, my need to stop into my agency, my need to do government homework, and my need to not spend much money. Where could I work in the area that had good cheap food? I'd rather eat where I could work, so I wouldn't have to spend money on food and also on a tea or coffee too if I could help it. One or the other. But I get through all of that in 0.2 seconds and then just think and think of the possibilities of consumption.  

I was so full in the shower though. My belly was adorably swollen with satisfaction. Why am I non-stop thinking about more food when I'm not hungry at all? 

Strangely enough for me, I think part of it is because I had been wearing tights and had just eaten, both of which heighten my awareness of my stomach, internally and externally (since the tights are, well, very tight). So I think just being aware of my fullness triggers my food thought.