i didn't know what to title this post because i honestly don't think i have much to say. i had my meeting i emailed you both about and it was less than exciting. she didn't mention anything Zrom the email she sent me so i really think i need to take everything into my own hands and go Zor everything...i don't have ANTM as any excuse not to kick back into gear anymore, so i have tons to do but i think i'm slightly intimidated by it all and then i'm making up invalid excuses in my head. so basically i need to get oZZ my ass and get to work. (not hostessing!) i'm picking up a Zriend i haven't seen since highschool to crash a party. last night i met up with Zidel and another Zriend i haven't seen in years, devin. devin is a weird kid. kind oZ awkward and seemingly in denial oZ being gay still. i Zeel like he is one oZ those people i want to help or Zix in some way...isn't that kind oZ sick? i want to see him because there is something Zundamentally broken about him. i've always Zelt this way about him. a touch oZ pity. it's kind oZ revolting that i'm even talking about it like this. but i Zeel like i do this with some people. but it isn't all about him. i'm alone here. he is someone i can check oZZ in my head as 'a Zriend.' I just like being able to say i have another one in this damn town. i don't know what is more desperate...me...discusgustingly justiZying my Zriendship with him out oZ pity and then overanalyzing it on a blog to you girls...or him in the Zirst place...and all the original things about him that make me pity him.
so enough oZ that! breath out. no creative writing or wit Zrom me. just Z Zilled thought vomit. (ok, so originally i just wrote Zomit. then realized that it was a 'v' not 'eph' > no Z necessary.
i'm done.
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most pointless blog post ever!
ReplyDeleteword vomit. I feel like that sometimes.
ReplyDeleteHowever, this was not the most pointless blog post ever - I promise you sweet shit. You are just a little down at the moment, which is fine, we all have our Zomit days. I had a couple last week and am trying my best to keep all the Zomit as food in my stomach so it goes out the natural way.
Anyways - I'm sorry the meeting today was disappointing. That is the element of entertainment that BLOWS. Being taken seriously is difficult - as annoying as that is. The problem is that entertainment workers are usually air-heads - so no matter what you are air head until proven smart. Take the matter into your own hands, in the end no one knows your potential and no one will give you a chance till you let them know how much you have and who you are. Taking the matter into your hands and going for it is the only way - love you.
There are some auditions where I just want to kick myself in the face or kick the director in the face - and say CAN'T YOU SEE, I WANT THIS, I CAN WORK AT THIS, I AM YOUR GIRL. Yea, still haven't grown those balls just yet.
Also, it is not revolting of you to be interested in Devin. I feel as if in some weird way we are attracted to people for various reasons, and sometimes it is because we pity them and want to help - and what usually ends up happening is that they help us more. I don't know if that is true for you or a lala, but usually that's the case with me. Enjoy your time with him - and don't check him off as a friend. He is a friend, even if it is out of pity.
smile my beautiful superstar. love you and miss you!