I just realized, right now, that I've been attempting (somewhat subconsciously) to runaway from my problems here in New York. The first being my apartment drama, which has cooled down somewhat, but still makes me quietly want to just slip out...but I don't have that amazing downtown replacement apartment lined up yet!
The other is, I'm terrified for fashion week! Like, I'm intimidated beyond belief. That's why I've been pushing for Asia so much and wanted to leave, not because I don't want to make money, but because I'm scared I won't!
Stupid, stupid girl. I'd rather go half way around the world rather than put myself out there. THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO! NYC FASHION WEEK! FUCK ME. So this all hit me soooo hard when I couldn't sleep. I woke up yesterday and watched Valentino: The Last Emperor and went to bed watching Picture Me, a video diary/documentary by this model Sara Ziff, who was kind of a big fucking deal. She was in the circles and doing the things I wanted to be doing. And I'm scared I can't because I wasn't scouted at 12 and didn't get big when I was 18 so now, at 22, (she was 23 by the end of the documentary) I don't have 5 hardcore and 6 softcore years of modeling behind me. I have basically a year of experience and almost 23. But no one has to know. This is my first season in NY, so I'll say that. And I think I'll be 19 and pretend I'm not graduating with a degree in Architecture, if I'm so fucking worried that i'm too old for these people.
And I sent an email to my booker saying I want to go over my walk. Girls aren't born with good walks, they are taught. And big agencies bring in catwalk coaches to show them what to do, and that's how they know. So I couldn't sleep last night getting all worried that I didn't know how to walk and stayed up late watching how-to videos and stupid shit...and so this morning, i'm deciding to not be intimidated. to just practice and do everything in my power to work on what i have control over and do the best that i fucking can. i know i'll work and get booked for some stuff...and everything in this business happens like dominos.
phew, i'm glad i've finally faced the music..to myself...instead of just saying i don't care about fashion week and want to go to asia. i do care, and i want to do it and want to be good at it.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
hello
I'm sitting in my bed with Nishiel as she reads a book on astrology out-loud. Aries are crazy mother fuckers - yea, you and me Bri - CRAY CRAY. I miss you and V. You're posts make me giggle. This is my shortest post ever - just wanted you to know your words are delectable and are deliciously digestable in me tummy. LOVE you!
p.s. SO lovely to see you V this New Year's Eve - it was amazing.
p.s. SO lovely to see you V this New Year's Eve - it was amazing.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Home Sweet Home
that's the name of a bar my friend Kelsey always goes to in the LES. She's mentioned it a lot, and I can never remember the name. I always thought it had Alabama something. My reasoning makes sense and made us laugh about it.
35-46 Crescent Street, Astoria, NY, also, (strangely enough) has that same name to me. And to my (I love how Valerie uses this word!) flatmates, Valerie and Cris. And to (oh dear!) bedbugs. Ewww.
Let's stop talking about them. Oh, wait, lets stop living with them (it's been a month...second extermination is scheduled for January 14th). I have enough flatmates, thank you bedbugs. And I enjoy Valerie's company just as much as you do...I just choose not to snuggle up and nibble her neck and cheeks out of affection.
Home Sweet Home has been crawling with drama. Between our Brazilian lease holder abroad in Israel and our Muslim landlord who doesn't approve of Israel or turning on the heat, to our loud and (sadly) selfish other Brazilian. And did I mention the bedbugs? Yes, I believe so. They have their own room to themselves. It's the freezing cold (Thank you Landloard Amhed!) room in the back of the apartment. And then there is me and Valerie. We talk a lot. She has this incredible accent from god knows where since she's lived all over and speaks everything...but I love it. I love the way she talks and I find myself trying to talk like her when I talk with her. It's soo cool.
We talk about food. Well, I started that one and believe she is slowly getting hooked on the cooking channel. It's always on. And we talk about movies and tv since she's a producer. And we are just so dainty in our agreements and being frustrated with the ridiculous bedbuglicious hot & cold rip-off drama of the home. And we are, day after day, both in Home Sweet Home, pretty much all day. She works from home. I watch things and cook impatiently in Home Sweet Home waiting for life to start again.
How do I walk in high heels again? earning money? what money? what modeling?
35-46 Crescent Street, Astoria, NY, also, (strangely enough) has that same name to me. And to my (I love how Valerie uses this word!) flatmates, Valerie and Cris. And to (oh dear!) bedbugs. Ewww.
Let's stop talking about them. Oh, wait, lets stop living with them (it's been a month...second extermination is scheduled for January 14th). I have enough flatmates, thank you bedbugs. And I enjoy Valerie's company just as much as you do...I just choose not to snuggle up and nibble her neck and cheeks out of affection.
Home Sweet Home has been crawling with drama. Between our Brazilian lease holder abroad in Israel and our Muslim landlord who doesn't approve of Israel or turning on the heat, to our loud and (sadly) selfish other Brazilian. And did I mention the bedbugs? Yes, I believe so. They have their own room to themselves. It's the freezing cold (Thank you Landloard Amhed!) room in the back of the apartment. And then there is me and Valerie. We talk a lot. She has this incredible accent from god knows where since she's lived all over and speaks everything...but I love it. I love the way she talks and I find myself trying to talk like her when I talk with her. It's soo cool.
We talk about food. Well, I started that one and believe she is slowly getting hooked on the cooking channel. It's always on. And we talk about movies and tv since she's a producer. And we are just so dainty in our agreements and being frustrated with the ridiculous bedbuglicious hot & cold rip-off drama of the home. And we are, day after day, both in Home Sweet Home, pretty much all day. She works from home. I watch things and cook impatiently in Home Sweet Home waiting for life to start again.
How do I walk in high heels again? earning money? what money? what modeling?
Saturday, January 1, 2011
MY KAKA
I want to write this down because it was too funny to never be written down, even if it is late.
I was talking to Ajna on the phone a while ago, and took a pebble/popcorn shit at the same time. It wasn't messy or anything, so I didn't need a lot of toilet paper or anything. (This detail may seem tmi, but is necessary for later.) Well, the whole thing didn't flush and I had tea screaming at me in the kitchen. So I put the lid down on the toilet and made a note to myself to go back and flush again in a few minutes, after the toilet bowl had refilled. Of coarse, I forgot.
My new roommate from Japan, Kaori, went into the bathroom. I didn't think anything of it. She then quietly sought out Monica, our other roommate because she was having problems in the bathroom. The toilet was flooding. Monica and Kaori go to the bathroom together so Monica and check out the problem, since she's the lease holder and the one that would know where the plunger is, or if we had one.
At this point I realize what's going on and that I had left my shit in the toilet. So Kaori must have gone to the bathroom, seen my shit, and preflushed. And for whatever reason (not me clogging it! I swear or I'd easily admit it!) the toilet started flooding. The toilet lid was down.
I tell Monica that I had left my shit in the toilet before Kaori and that I think poor Kaori tried to preflush and must be so embarrassed because we'd think it's her shit in the flooding toilet. Water is overflowing at this point onto the floor.
I open the lid to find my shit, after all, this is definitely my problem and I don't feel guilty, just bad that Kaori was so mortified about it when it was me. I couldn't stop laughing. But there was no poop! Monica and I scan the floor if it had fallen out...but there was no pebble pooop to be found!
I turn to Kaori and ask her where my shit had gone. That I know there was shit, because it was mine. Well, she threw it away. In the trash. The thing is, Kaori isn't totally fluent in English, she's still learning. So she demonstrates her action of woosh!, gently and swiftly tossing the little poop into the trash. Only a few key words are spoken, like 'trash.'
Oh My God. OH MY GOD! My poor foreign roommate threw away my shit! She was so self-conscious about Monica thinking it was her shit, that she threw it away in the trash!
I couldn't stop laughing, in my silent choking way. I actually slid to the ground laughing, in the bathroom, in the overflowing toilet water. I couldn't stop. Monica is still piecing together the whole story too since English isn't her first language either (she's Brazilian).
So there the three of us are. Monica and Kaori kind of confused and worried about the overflowing toilet...and me, laughing my ass off on the floor of the little bathroom. They started laughing too, delayed, once they were able to straighten out the story with each other and the details with me.
"So where's the poop Kaori? Sabrina said that she did kaka in the toilet and left it here. Sabrina, why would you leave your kaka in the toilet?".....(my broken explanation)..."I, I didn't want you think mine...so trash."
I got up and out of the bathroom when Monica notified the landlord and he came up with a plunger and stopped the flooding.
After a month of Monica and I living together, we definitely broke the ice for the first time, in terms of comfort. Soft spoken, disciplined Kaori did on her second day.
We drunkenly recalled the episode over our family, international thanksgiving feast. Kaori, in still-broken-but-much-improved English confessed she did it with her bare hand. She said it was so little, and not messy or smelly.
I was talking to Ajna on the phone a while ago, and took a pebble/popcorn shit at the same time. It wasn't messy or anything, so I didn't need a lot of toilet paper or anything. (This detail may seem tmi, but is necessary for later.) Well, the whole thing didn't flush and I had tea screaming at me in the kitchen. So I put the lid down on the toilet and made a note to myself to go back and flush again in a few minutes, after the toilet bowl had refilled. Of coarse, I forgot.
My new roommate from Japan, Kaori, went into the bathroom. I didn't think anything of it. She then quietly sought out Monica, our other roommate because she was having problems in the bathroom. The toilet was flooding. Monica and Kaori go to the bathroom together so Monica and check out the problem, since she's the lease holder and the one that would know where the plunger is, or if we had one.
At this point I realize what's going on and that I had left my shit in the toilet. So Kaori must have gone to the bathroom, seen my shit, and preflushed. And for whatever reason (not me clogging it! I swear or I'd easily admit it!) the toilet started flooding. The toilet lid was down.
I tell Monica that I had left my shit in the toilet before Kaori and that I think poor Kaori tried to preflush and must be so embarrassed because we'd think it's her shit in the flooding toilet. Water is overflowing at this point onto the floor.
I open the lid to find my shit, after all, this is definitely my problem and I don't feel guilty, just bad that Kaori was so mortified about it when it was me. I couldn't stop laughing. But there was no poop! Monica and I scan the floor if it had fallen out...but there was no pebble pooop to be found!
I turn to Kaori and ask her where my shit had gone. That I know there was shit, because it was mine. Well, she threw it away. In the trash. The thing is, Kaori isn't totally fluent in English, she's still learning. So she demonstrates her action of woosh!, gently and swiftly tossing the little poop into the trash. Only a few key words are spoken, like 'trash.'
Oh My God. OH MY GOD! My poor foreign roommate threw away my shit! She was so self-conscious about Monica thinking it was her shit, that she threw it away in the trash!
I couldn't stop laughing, in my silent choking way. I actually slid to the ground laughing, in the bathroom, in the overflowing toilet water. I couldn't stop. Monica is still piecing together the whole story too since English isn't her first language either (she's Brazilian).
So there the three of us are. Monica and Kaori kind of confused and worried about the overflowing toilet...and me, laughing my ass off on the floor of the little bathroom. They started laughing too, delayed, once they were able to straighten out the story with each other and the details with me.
"So where's the poop Kaori? Sabrina said that she did kaka in the toilet and left it here. Sabrina, why would you leave your kaka in the toilet?".....(my broken explanation)..."I, I didn't want you think mine...so trash."
I got up and out of the bathroom when Monica notified the landlord and he came up with a plunger and stopped the flooding.
After a month of Monica and I living together, we definitely broke the ice for the first time, in terms of comfort. Soft spoken, disciplined Kaori did on her second day.
We drunkenly recalled the episode over our family, international thanksgiving feast. Kaori, in still-broken-but-much-improved English confessed she did it with her bare hand. She said it was so little, and not messy or smelly.
Voicemail!
The best part of my new years was waking up to six missed calls and two voicemails from Ajna, Alana, and Cait I woke this morning.
I babysat for the editor of Glamour last night. I spent the night savoring super good chicken tortilla soup and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. I then got ready to go out after they got home at 1am. I didn't end up going out though, so I came home. And watched episodes of The Office till I fell asleep.
My dad would have been 66 today.
I babysat for the editor of Glamour last night. I spent the night savoring super good chicken tortilla soup and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. I then got ready to go out after they got home at 1am. I didn't end up going out though, so I came home. And watched episodes of The Office till I fell asleep.
My dad would have been 66 today.