I love you both so much.
I have a lengthy draft of word vomit saved for this blog in response to all the harsh (yes harsh, whether true or not) words sent my way, but I haven't been able to say anything that I wanted to post and I'm just tired of not saying anything on here.
So -
Why I haven't posted yet:
I feel like the only thing going on in my life is some struggle to figure out whats going on between me and a BOY. And while I allow this to consume my energy, I still believe its lame. So I haven't wanted to talk about it. I didn't want that pitifulness immortalized in words.
So here are some short updates.
I said fuck you to Jeff, which is apparently a BIG no-no. (oops.) I was angry. To him this means - i don't care about and totally disrespect you - I don't feel that way, but ever since then he's been incredibly distant. Sometimes I don't know how I genuinely do not realize or think about the things I'm saying or doing, and their potential to be hurtful. I still live in my own little bubble.
I have a crush on Andrei. (who saw that coming? I didn't.)
I am graduating this weekend. (Sat. the 5th) before exams. fuck you UT. I can't even be excited about graduating. thanks.
I still work at manju's and need to find something else.
I showed you (Sabrina) off to my family who was asking about you this Thanksgiving. They loved your photos and hope you are doing well.
This Thanksgiving marks the day that I realized I not only like Guiness, but it also shot to the top of the list of my favorite beers.
Mary Jane and I are on good terms again.
Chris found Lily-Pod in our couch. Send me your address so she can play beautiful music in your ears? Oh and its full, can I perhaps delete some things and put some music on there for ya?
Sabrina I am sorry you haven't felt my eyes on your words. For a while I was reading this blog every day and I was quite up to date on everything that had been posted.
I love that you love food. Not enough people appreciate food. You are not a hippo. Hippo's don't love and admire food, they just eat. When was the last time you had some nasty fast food burger from some corporate "restaurant" and thought it was delicious? You are a gem.
You are proof that women can be slender and beautiful and normal; they can have a love affair with food. They can take fat pictures of themselves and share them with the world because people are not what we eat, or what we look like, the things we say- we are so much more than that. You are a girl (a woman), who I have no doubt in my mind will be successful in everything that you aspire to.
Show the world that our fucked up and sick stereotypes don't have to exist. The world needs strong spirited people to share a spirit with. When did everyone start hating themselves so much? When did we decide that everyone else's opinion matters so much that we forget our own, that we hide it in shame? Bring back the healthy model. The model who loves her body, her mind and soul and wont disrespect those things for fame. -ohgod now i'm ranting.
Its raining outside. Its cold. I have a paper to revise. I have a room to clean. I have a mind to sweep. I have a soul to shape, a place to take, a city to shake, a life to make. Please (alana) let me be.
thank you. THANK YOU. for your words.
ReplyDeleteI've missed you. It means the world to me to see a post from you. Beautifully unexpected and I hope the first of many.